The Last Chapter: Closed
when i walked to bugis today to order pet food for my guinea pigs..
i thought about a lot of things
when i passed the MRT station…
i was hoping i could maybe..by fate..coincidentally..knock into that someone
later today…is the day..
when i finally realised that…i really did change..
a simple decision…that left me in a dilemma..
i was suppose to go somewhere…
to meet someone…
i spent long hours thinking..
and i thought my first decision was good…
i thought i should go…
i don’t know why i REALLY REALLY wanted to go..
it felt like that decision was one of the best decisions i ever made
it felt like…if i didn’t go..i would regret..
i was all changed and ready to go..
and something strucked me..
as i heard the main door open..
i realised that i can’t..
i can’t go…i can’t live in deception..
i can’t bring myself to deceive someone right in the eye..
i’ve done it once..not very proud of it..
but…suddenly..at that second..it got me thinking..
is it worth it? is this wad i really wanted?
YES i wanted to go…i couldn’t wait..
but…at that moment…everything….changed..
i sort things out..and realised how important trust is..
i cannot break the trust..
so..i finally made my last decision…that gave a close to the end of the last chapter..
my finally decision was to not go..
i typed an sms…that overwhelmed me with sadness..
my decision was final..i sent that sms..
then..tears started to flow down my cheeks..
it was not tears of agony..
those were tears of relieve..becos…
i’ve finally realised how much i’ve changed over the years..
i’ve finally felt a burden lifted from me…the burden is not caused by that someone…but that burden was caused by myself..
then..i sms-ed my best friend..and told her my decision..
shocked as she was…i guess..she’s happy for me..
as i cooled down..and went to the living room for dinner…
i told myself…’Marina, I’m proud of you.’
i know…i’ll miss that person…but hey….we’ll meet again..someday 🙂
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